a few minutes ago
When someone tells you they don't understand how you feel, it sucks.
They tell you they don't understand why you would cause yourself pain and they don't understand why you're sad all the time. They think it's nonsensical. They don't see the point. They don't understand what it achieves.
Truth is. This is just the way I feel. I have a darkness inside me that claws at my chest and makes a fist around my vital organs. Making my heart stop and speed up at the same time and makes my lungs feel like they will cave in. The darkness will never leave. It's job is to make sure I don't get too happy because then I wouldn't be me.
I'm sad. I'm moody. I'm alone. I'm depressed.
There is no explation for causing myself pain. The only explanation I could give would be that sometimes the only thing you can do is hurt yourself on the outside when the darkness is hurting you from the inside. Sometimes is stops the darkness clawing at your insides because you're clawing at yourself on the outside.
But you still wouldn't even understand that explanation.
◇ Something I wrote a while ago. The entirety of this piece doesn't reflect on who I am now but what I have struggled with in the past. Although the majority is still true to present day. I'm proud to say I don't find comfort in old habits anymore. ◇
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