a few minutes ago
I’m going to get a bit personal. I’d like to start by saying I have a history of depression and anxiety. Like so many of you, I sometimes struggle with what life throws at me, but I always try to make the best out of things. Because of anxiety, I tend to shy away from things I’m (often irrationally) afraid of. I do like to challenge myself though, and get out there - because if you’re stuck in your ways, you become inflexible and you don’t realise that what’s around you can be beautiful.
Recently, I decided to challenge myself and do something 100% out of my comfort zone. I thought I was ready, and that I had a safety net around me. It backfired spectacularly, and at the end I was left feeling like the worst person to ever walk the Earth, my self-worth was close to zero and I’m sad to confess I was feeling suicidal (something I hadn’t felt in well over 20 years). If you’ve ever felt this way, you know it’s crippling, it eats you up on the inside and you’re not a ray of sunshine to the ones around you.
As a result of this, I had to take a step back and reassess myself and some of my life’s choices. I postponed the reopening of my online shop, and took a hard look into what I wanted for myself.
Turns out, I want good friends I can trust, I want to make people happy through my job and I want to be comfortable enough in my skin that when the inevitable problems come with being alive, I’m ready and balanced.
This has been an enlightening introspection and I hope you bear with me whilst I adjust to the things I need to do to be a better woman, wife and small business owner. I’ve yet to reopen my shop. I’ll get there eventually, but right now my mental health has to come first. I never, ever want to feel subhuman or that I don’t deserve to live. Mostly, I just want you all to know I will always be coming from a place of honesty and acceptance, even if the end result is less than perfect. After all, who’s perfect anyway?
Thanks for reading. If you also struggle with mental health and would like to share your story, you’re absolutely welcome to. Sending you all love! #mentalhealth #anxiety #depression #selfworth #selflove