a few minutes ago
Ever since I decided to pull myself out of the #hypothermichalfmarathon, I have needed to do some major self reflection. It was brought to my attention by somebody very close to me, that I have actually never had a problem pushing my physical limits- in fact, before surgery my issue was the opposite...I would push and push and push until Id burn out completely. Until Id be FORCED to take 10 steps backwards. I used to NEVER listen to or trust my body and not only have I felt disconnected from it but I have also had a lot of hate towards my body as well. In times when I SHOULD have taken time off, rested and taken care of myself, I did the exact opposite. Iv competed in swimming with a broken arm (literally in a cast), I competed with a known heart condition where doctors said exercising was extremely risky. Iv also ran through shin splints that turned into stress fractures, I have pushed through multiple illnesses until my only option was hospitalization- and among many, many other examples, I have also pushed through YEARS of back pain...until I was confined to my bed with paralysis. (To be clear this didn’t directly cause my spine injury). In the PAST, I have not treated my body how it deserves to be treated. But after 29 years of battling with my body, I finally realized that my body has been giving me the signs all along, I just never took the time to listen. So with all that said, choosing how to celebrate my ONE YEAR surgiversary came easy to me this weekend. After all the time I have spent this last year learning, listening to and HONOURING what my BODY has been telling me, Iv decided to celebrate all that Iv accomplished by NOT running. Yup, my BIG accomplishment at 1 year is LISTENING to my body, because THATS something worth celebrating for ME. To be able to TRUST and LISTEN to my body, and realize it is NOT in my best interest to run 20km is a WAY bigger feat for ME, then ever running a 1/2 marathon will ever be.
I had an amazing weekend with people I don’t see nearly often often and I may still be in significant pain- but I am well enough to be READY and excited for a busy week ahead. CONTINUED⤵️