a few minutes ago
ON “TOO MUCHNESS” AND “NOT ENOUGHNESS”:
There is a very painful dichotomy that can come with being a highly sensitive person…
On the one hand- the world seems to give you the message that you are somehow “too much.” And yet inside, you are constantly feeling that you are “NOT enough.”
I can still feel the agony of growing up and feeling so deeply misunderstood. It seemed I was “too much” for everyone- my friends, my family, my teachers… I remember having these intense waves of feelings, that were just so big, and I struggled to articulate the ocean of anxiety and sadness that welled inside of me. Yet the world told me that I was “dramatic,” “overreacting,” “making a big deal out of nothing,” taking everything “too personally.” So as a young girl I thought there must be something wrong with me, I must not be feeling things “correctly.” My experience of the world must be somehow “wrong.” I felt so lonely, so different. I longed for someone to understand what it felt like to be me. I longed for someone to help me with all these feelings. But I also believed the messages I was getting. I believed that I was “too much.” And yet somehow, on the inside, that translated to me feeling not good ENOUGH. There was something wrong with me, I believed, so therefore I had to work harder to be liked, to belong. I had to make up for this inherent “flaw” I believed I had. So, I pushed down that ocean of feelings, I tried my hardest to ignore it (mostly failed at that, LOL), and I balled up my fists and went about the business of “proving” that I was “enough,” by trying to be everything everybody wanted me to be. By putting myself last. By pretending to be something I wasn’t.
It is heartbreaking how we can lose ourselves in trying to prove our worth. When the truth is, you are worthy just by being you. You are lovable just as you are. You have nothing to prove. You matter. Your feelings matter. There are really and valid and not only can you trust them you MUST. And no one, including you, should get to tell you that are “too much” or “not enough” anything. Period.