a few minutes ago
Creepy Man, (there is no Dear even though this is an open letter, because I don’t want to follow letter writing rules let alone be polite, but more on that later)
You know who you are. You like 87 of my photos in a row and leave the same comment of WoW on each and every one. As if one properly written ‘wow’ wasn’t enough. And then before you like the 88th photo, you decide it’s a good idea to drop me a DM. Usually, ‘Hi’ is all you can/will/want to muster.
I don’t know what your success rate is with that mind-blowing, knicker-drenching pick up line. I’m sure I’m not doing anything to help the stats in your favour.
I have not quite figured this out, but I think if I delete your DM, then you can’t message me again. I certainly don’t hear from you anymore which must be a relief for us both.
Let me tell you Mister, that you dodged a bullet with your insipid ‘Hi’. Some of your brethren have made the mistake of firing ‘show me dirty nakid foto’ as their opening salvo... and I send them a barrage of photos of penises riddled with psoriasis. There was the one guy, you might know him, he asked to see ‘pusy pic’. So I sent him 12 photos of vaginal births.
Can you imagine, HE blocked me. Seriously, don’t you guys have a sense of humour?
Oh wait, no.
You don’t have sense, to begin with.
Anyway, I’m writing this to you not in the hopes you’ll read it, but for the entertainment of thousands of women who are sitting down to their afternoon tea.
I’ve also taken the liberty of pixelating the skin of my 40 going on 41 year old midriff, because if I didn’t you’ll end up zooming in for a closer look and then dropping me a message to say ‘show me sexy time’. And I don’t have time to look for photos of butterflies mating, because I have chores to do, damn it.
So leave a ‘WoW’ if you must. It just makes it easier for me to block you.
With all my deepest sympathies (for what you ask? Ohh I think you know what you have lost),